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love and marriage

August 7, 2008

i recently received an sms from my ex. In his sms, he said that he just bought engagement rings for his gf of 3 years and he still not sure whether what he was doin is right or not.

well for some, they would surely be telling me, tell him to sod off and do not tell you any of these things coz he is your ex.. well anyway i am still in good terms with my ex and hold no hard feelings at him for what has happened in the past.

anyway back to this sms of his, i smsed him back telling him that “what do you mean you do not know whether what you are doin is right or not?? It is whether you think she is the one or not?” Minutes later he reply saying that he is worried that she is not commited to the relationship and that he wants her commitment by getting engaged. OMG!!! he still hasnt changed or even learnt from his past mistakes and are still doin the same thing again.

for some history lesson on what happened between my ex and me, we go back way way way back. He was my ex for 4 years and becoz of racial and religious difference, we decided not to pursue the relationship any longer. he used to be very controlling, not wanting me to hang out with my guy friends (which was abundance coz i work in the technical field). Ok so back to his problem, he is currently with his gf for 3 years and his gf is only 24 and he is 29 goin to 30. He mentioned that his gf always wants to go clubbing and travelling (mind you that she is working with him as he is running a law firm of his own). he has been providing all these to her and has always complain to me about lack of money and stuff like that. i am really trying very hard to be supportive of his decision but then it is quite hard coz i know he would be making a huge mistake if he doesnt resolve the problem within himself first.

He has security issues. always has been even with me. and then he got into another relationship without examining what was his problems and mistakes from the previous relationship. for you info, he got involved with his current gf 3 months after we broke up. well i have taken almost 2 years before venturing to another new relationship with my current love.

being that his gf is young and all of course she would want to go adventuring and also enjoy life out there. if he is to control her, she would eventually fight back. i guess he was expecting more from her but she just could not give him that. after relating this to my baby** he told me that marriage is declaration of commitment of two person being together rather than a declaration of expectation of one person to the other or vice-versa.

by getting engaged is not gonna make the girl any more comitted that she has already have if you do not set the expectation right from the beginning. my ex has this habit of telling what he wants and expect that you read his mind. he never once told his gf that he needs this or want that. he has always fulfilling her needs and wants.. i cant see any good ending to these kindof one way relationship.

that is why i am treading my current relationship as slowly as possible to get to know each other well and also to resolve a conflict or problem together as a couple. for me, a relationship is really like a partnership, if one fails to understand what the other needs/wants, the partnership will fail and it would not go anywhere and eventually just break down.

nevertheless, i told my ex that he needs to relate his concerns to gf and also lay out his expectations to her and whether she is considerate to make changes or have changes  made in her life by him in the long run. i also bade good luck to my ex and hopes that he makes the right decisions for the right reasons.

good luck matey….

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